- So your friend just started dating your ex. Here's how to deal - HelloGiggles
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- It’s never OK to date your friend’s ex – and this is why
- So your friend just started dating your ex. Here's how to deal
The best revenge is no revenge. Take what you learned, and apply it to your next relationships and friendships. Think back of all of the red flags, and don't let them wave in the wind without caution. Every decision is easier made a second time. Your heart is too strong of a fortress, and your mind is too strong of a sword to let two paupers dullify and weaken you. Take your self-love, and put it in a bag. Pack it up, and enjoy the rest of your life. You only get one.
Are you suggesting people are not allowed to fall in love because of past relationships? That is exactly what you are implying. The only way this would not be ok, is if adult society suddely forced a rule that you can't do that. Last time I checked, the worst thing you end up doing is making someone uncomfortable. What does this even mean? Does her ex and OP's friend not have a healthy opinon on OP for having feelings for each other?
So your friend just started dating your ex. Here's how to deal - HelloGiggles
Have to agree with you. Although if the break up was nasty or your friend still had feeling a for said ex, as a friend, it's pretty low to go behind your friends back knowing there are still feelings. They broke up six months ago. Nobody needs to explain why they're losers, because it's pretty clear. For your last question, they don't give a fuck about OP or how she feels. That's why they're losers You sound either really really young, like pre-teen aged, or have some kind of cognitive dysfunction which makes you lack social skills or empathy. Can't even believe your comment got upvoted 10 times.
She could still have feelings for the guy You don't know what people go through. Stop assuming everyone is mentally healthy and A-ok. You have no idea what OP goes through, or how this could affect her in the future. Would it be different if it was 8 months? Sounds like a pretty shitty deal to have to choose a friend over a potential life partner.
You assume a lot of things. First of all you seem to be going by the assumption that OP might be a fragile flower that needs protection from real life. My assumption is that she's an adult that can deal with the realities of a breakup. The wast majority of people are, in fact, able to cope when life goes against them ever so slightly. If you need to resort to insults to bring your arugment home, you don't have an argument to begin with. Factually OP's problem isn't a right or wrong matter, it's a matter of what OP can live with.
She's free to not be friends with her if she so chooses. What matters is the reason she doesn't want to be friends with her.
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People are social beings, and dealing in absolutes when advicing others is wrong. You don't know the first thing about OP's ex. He might be a saint for all we know, he might be a deadbeat. We don't know a thing about them. I notice that you seem to be struggling with some things, and I'm sorry you are, but you are making a big mistake if you are applying your own perspective on a messy situation when you don't even have your own emotions figured out. Plus you are in her exact age range. I'm giving OP advice as someone who is actually older and have deal with what OP is going through before.
If you stop making everything about yourself, it's easier to see where others are coming from. Awesome reasoning here bro. When you've been raped, abused, told you have a chronic mental illness that will last for a lifetime, have been left by your parents, or a combination of all of those things which are just a few evil things in life, out of many tell me how grandy dandy life is. Everyone is high and mighty until they get punched in the face. Yep, just keep breeding, humanity. I actually have sympathy for serial killers. I should start worshipping them because God doesn't exist obviously.
They make more sense. Keep on killing it, mass shooters. I didn't mean you don't have social skills. I just meant that your argument sounds kinda sociopathic. I don't think we are going to get anywhere here, we are on completely different planets on this topic. Friendship is a two way street. And not surprisingly, friends also disappear during life. Very true for small towns.
If you haven't dated someone a friend has before, you either don't date, don't have friends, or don't really live in a small town. She didn't say anything to you because she knew what she was doing was wrong. Yes, you don't own either of them but as your friend, she does owe you common courtesy and respect, which didn't happen here. This situation can happen successfully but it's not when the person in your position just "gets over it" because you can't tell them what to do. You've gotta be okay with it and you're not. For my friend he cut those two out out of his life.
Because all his friend would talk about was his ex and it was extremely uncomfortable for everyone involved. Neither of us miss those people in our lives. Exes are exes for a reason. How serious was the relationship? Did you live together? Do you have kids? They are their own people and will do what they want. All you can do is decide what your actions will be. Whether this is a deal breaker and you want to cut them out is entirely your call.
He is the most recent ex. We dated for 10 months. We were close to living together but we did not. We broke up 6 months ago. The breakup was rough. But I was the one who ended it. I still had a lot of feelings for him. Do you think that's why my best friend thought it wouldn't be that big of a deal if she dated him? She had always been on the selfish side though in the past, so idk.
That could be her personal reasoning yes. Especially if you say she has a selfish personality. You are not dating him. You have no claim on him. Who are you to decide who he or your friend can date? Never once said I had a claim on him. It's a matter of being a decent friend. I hope you learn to respect others. You've been best friends until now, but this is not something that a best friend would do. Maybe now you're just regular friends. I'm 31, and the best friend I had at your age is now just a regular friend, and I have a couple of besties now who I trust completely.
As you grow and learn, you'll find that you've got your girl friends, and your women. Girl friends may be silly bitches sometimes but you still love them, but you can call your women any hour of the day or night and they will be there for you because you are one of their priorities. Unless this friend of yours changes her ways and proves, in time, that she's one of your women, it's ok for her to be just a friend. You don't owe her anything. Try to take comfort in the fact that you will spend the rest of your life meeting amazing women and men and forming all kinds of friendships with them.
Sorry your heart hurts. It will get better. This is a no-no in my book. I understand the other posters saying that he is an ex so she has no right to dictate who he dates or not. But she DOES have the right to be angry at the best friend. This best friend is likely someone that she talked about him with. Talked about the butterflies when they started dating, talked about the sex, talked about how nervous she was to meet his friends or his family.
Talked about any fights they may have had with her. Talked to her about the breakup and let the best friend comfort or congratulate her depending on the breakup circumstances. This very same girl is now dating the guy her best friend was dating.
It’s never OK to date your friend’s ex – and this is why
She mad her choice. Thank you for your comment. I have talked to her about him on several occasions. And now she's dating him. Making me wonder if she always wanted to date him or vice versa. You have a right to be upset as she was your best friend so she should have told you earlier at least to let you know that she is dating your ex and she could have made it clear that she likes him so she will not leave him just because he was your ex.
There are chances that she did not have the courage to tell you about it so she kept it secret as long as she could but the good thing is that she finally told you. It is up to you whether to keep the contact with her or not but if I were in your place then I would cut her off from my life as it seems that she has not respected me as a friend so I would not keep anyone in my life who does not value me but the final call is yours so take which you finds the best for you.
So your friend just started dating your ex. Here's how to deal
I always see comments like this when friends date exes. Is there any respect in these friendships? OP drop both of them, yeah they're free to do what they want but you don't have to bite your tongue over it. No more friendship with this girl. The delusion is strong among you people.
Then again, nobody was raised right in understanding that when the breakup happens. That person is no longer your lover, they are with someone else. And the person getting with your ex is guilty of nothing what so ever. You have a possessive personality. And you need to seek help. You lost a friend due to your own selfishness thinking you owned someone. People who care about you take pains to not be the cause of fresh emotional harm to you. They do this because they value your well being and they value your friendship. It has zero to do with anybody feeling they possess anybody else and everything to do with recognizing emotional attachments are an actual thing, and that breakups take time to process.
Yeah but she had been dating him for months. Yeah I don't "own" him I never once claimed to. But I do deserve a better friend than one who dates my ex behind my back. It's rude and immature and selfish all in one. I'm more hurt with the friend than with the ex honestly. Sounds like you are the immature one who is aggressive towards someone you do not know.
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If only to show you what doesn't work for you in a partner. At least with your first sentence. Two ways to see it: See what I mean? It's not simply that her friend is dating her ex. Not only for OP, but for you as well. Maybe cut contact with both. It's been half a year. Can you tell me why this is significant, at all?
You are correct in that OP doesn't need the girl in her life. I never said otherwise. I could keep going here but I think I've made my point. I'm sorry that stuff happened to you. This girl chose the man over OP, so OP is right to cut them both out. There's sometihng called pragmatism which i advice you to take to heart. I will use myself as an example: I'm 35, so my perspective on this is a result of being older than It sucked, of course it did. I still had feelings for this girl, we were together for 4 years.
If you made it up, you can also undo the self made rule. This is a bullshit thing to be upset by. Your ex, who you only dated for ten months AND broke up with 6 months ago moved on. You're upset because you know the person he moved on with. You don't own him and she owes you nothing. This girl code, guy code bull shit is so tired.
Just be mature and level headed about this. It's not the end of the world. This is not how adult relationships work. The amount of hate these people get for being in a relationship is pitiful. I feel like I'm back in highschool with the people saying this is a "betrayal".
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And it doesn't sound like that's the case. At least back your statement up. I don't understand this. What makes them losers? It's easy to say that if they had done things this way, or that way, it would hurt less, but in my experience it doesn't. Having been in the others roles of this situation, I can tell you that they didn't do that to you. They most likely got together the way most couples do, and that didn't really have anything to do with you.
They're not dating to hurt you, they're dating because they like each other. My issue is that given our history, I have no idea what my appropriate attitude should be towards them and how to interact with them when it comes to it. What would be a mature way to handle it, without me looking like a beaten dog? I know that's hard to hear right now, I hated hearing it too, and I hated saying it more.
Realistically it's all you can do if you want to have any sort of peaceful relationship with these people. Also, being happy for them and moving on shows that you're not a "beaten dog" It shows that you're strong enough to not let this stuff get to you. It takes a lot of strength to carry on after a hard breakup, and it's better try to do it gracefully.
Being happy for them shows that you're confident, and ok with your self as much as it says that you're ok with them. One of the key ingredients in any healthy relationship be it business, friendship, or romance, is Trust. When your friend violated the ideal that you listed he destroyed your trust in him. This is extremely damaging to a relationship. If these two had been honest and had wanted to not betray you they would have A told you they were going to date each other.
B she would have broken up with you before sleeping with someone else. I have to applaud your forgiving attitude towards your girlfriends initially. It takes a lot of effort and courage to forgive betrayals like you suffered. I'm sorry that you are going through this. Don't hang out with either of them. If they show up at a party, just say hi and go find someone else to talk too. Don't invite them to anything you plan. If any one asks why you are treating them this way tell them something along the lines of, "They betrayed my trust. I will be polite to them, But I have no desire to be around them.
Try this on for size. You are presuming that Mike owed you some sort of interaction about this, and you are disappointed you didn't get it. Ok, now you also call yourself an introvert. If the shoe were on the other foot, and you were dating Mike's ex, would it have occurred to you that you owed Mike a conversation? Ok, if it did Would you feel eager to have that conversation?
Maybe Mike or Jane is going through that. If there's tension in the room, it maybe ain't just yours. Or for that matter, they could have tension you do not. Some of the tension might be imagined worry over what the other might think. You can look to the past and count all the ways your feelings hurt. Or you can look to the future and decide what kind of relationship you'd like to have with them going forward.
The clearer and more self-true you are on this, the better it will work. And then you can outreach them and figure out where they're at. It may be they are relieved to know that what they presumed to be a problem for you is in fact not. Also, cut your ex some slack. It's hard to navigate them well even when both of you have the best character and intentions.
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It's the human condition but it doesn't define our choices. Thank you for your interest in this question. Because it has attracted low-quality or spam answers that had to be removed, posting an answer now requires 10 reputation on this site the association bonus does not count.
Would you like to answer one of these unanswered questions instead? Home Questions Tags Users Unanswered. How to interact with a friend dating my ex-girlfriend when we hang out? Background Jane and I belonged to the same group of friends since childhood. Problem Her dating Mike, in fact, did not surprise me that much. I'm voting to close this question as off-topic because we cannot give relationship advice. Questions at IPS require a goal we can address within the context of interpersonal skills. First of all, please narrow this down to 1 question, so the extra questions bit has to go.
What exactly is your goal here? Why are you asking us, and what are you asking us for help with? Do you want to have a frank talk with Mike about not telling you, so that hopefully things are talked out before you ever have to interact with both of them? Do you want to 'act normally' which we can't answer since we don't know what's normal for you? Tinkeringbell I edited out the extra question. What I want is to keep my friends including Mike and basically not address the fact of them dating. Dealing with related issues myself, so my heart really goes out to you, but like the above comments - you have to figure out what you want to do first, and then we can help you figure out how.
If you want to stay friends, take a temporary but hard break. That means no Facebook stalking, no texting, and no Twitter creeping. Chances are, things are going to get awkward with your mutual friends. You need time to be upset. While a good chunk of my friends were supportive and there for me, my other friends were eager for me to get over it. Allow yourself the time to be upset and grieve. But know that those social weirdnesses all smooth out eventually, one way or another.
There was a seam in the sofa that had been wearing away for years, pieces of stuffing frequently coming loose. She reached down to pull some of the stuffing out and dried my tears with it. She destroyed a sofa in order to wipe my tears. It was the first thing I laughed at post-breakup because it was so weird and touching. But it reminded me that being around people who make you feel good speeds the healing process.